...back home...

"Amazed" by Desperation Band

You dance over me
While I am unaware
You sing all around
But I never hear the sound

Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
How You love me

How wide
How deep
How great
Is Your love for me

How wide, O how wide Lord
How deep, O how deep Lord
How great, O how great
Is Your love for me

Lord I'm amazed, amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed, amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed, amazed by You
How You love me

This song ended up being one of our favorites in Om*n, and I have to say that it speaks volumes about my whole summer. I always find that coming back home from a trip like this puts me in a weird funk. (And I'm not talking just about jet lag!) I tear myself up thinking about all the cool adventures I had abroad and then coming home and taking care of so many things like my job, repairing my car, and sorting laundry. Yes, I know that God is still faithful in the normal and mundane of home-I just wish I was just as excited to experience Him here as I was abroad. Does that make sense? In a way, I beat myself up thinking about how much I trusted him in very vague situations-going into strangers' homes, flying around by myself, and yet when I'm home I still worry and fret about many things.

And knowing myself, I bombard my thoughts with questions-will I go back next year? Do I sense that God is leading me closer to doing this long term? If so, when? If not, do I trust that God used this experience in every capacity He wanted? And will this experience lead to something else, and if not is that okay? At the moment, I can only say "I DON'T KNOW, BUT I'M WILLING."

I may not be able to trace the hand of God as it moves in my life. Being a follower of Christ doesn't mean I can forsee the future. But I know who He is, what He's done, is doing, and somewhere on the shore of uncertainity that has to be enough. It took me a few days to process through this (and in many ways, I still be thinking about it in years to come I'm sure)

...but if anyone asks me about my trip, I'm going to tell them it was like God opened up my eyes to see His work in unique ways...

Every moment I remember, I think "was that for real?" Try the Philippines, I can't believe the rare opportunity I had to visit my mom's hometown, especially considering how disconnected I've been from my own Filipino heritage growning up. And to visit and know my grandparents in their old age-what a blessing! And in China, I never in a million years thought I'd be hanging out with college friends in a foreign country for a week. And Om*n, to find God at work in hearts of Muslims who are willing to read His Word (and now have it), to see that our friendship with them mean so much to them, to know that they see a difference in our lives compared to what they have understood Americans or Christians to be, or in comparison to their own lives and friendships.

Gratitude? Awe? Secure? Blessed? Loved? I don't know if I can narrow down how I feel to one word.
But yes, I am amazed. He didn't have to bring me to all these places, I didn't have to experience all of it. His blood is enough and yet in His kindness, He still manages to bring my self-centered, stubborn self to a point where there are no words to capture His love.

I think this is why I get passionate about Muslims and the Middle East. I've experienced the joy that comes from being loved and embraced by Christ, and my friends in Om*n don't have that joy. My friend H has a heart that hurts her, but she's afraid of hospitals. Her mom died five years ago, her parents are divorced and she's hurting. My friend M suffers from insomnia and a stomach condition that doesn't allow her to keep food in her body. She's going to have that for the rest of her life and she actually asked me if I would pray that she gets fatter. These are the sweetest girls and I know that they experienced just an ounce of God's love for them in the few days we have spent with them this year and last.

Well, this rant needs to end somewhere. A million thanks for reading my updates and praying for me. One HUGE thing I missed while I was gone is being away from my spiritual family here. I hope that wherever you have been emotionally, spiritually, and physically this past month, you can still rejoice in the love Christ gives us and we share together.

...pictures...

Slideshow of pictures from China and the Philippines


This is the reason why I am scared of pork:


Slideshow of pictures from Om*n


Video Clips from Om*n

...last full day...

wow...it's been a whirlwind of events and it's sad that the end is staring us in the face.

 

We have had so many good conversations, been invited into many people's houses and shared meals with families at hot springs.  We have met new friends and old, workers of the Kingdom.  I am somewhat overwhelmed and blown away by it all...and unfortunately I don't think I can share everything here at this moment.  So forgive me if I'm brief with the following (trust me....it helps me with processing everything)

 

What I'm learning about myself:  Really G-d works when I'm not striving but when I just show up.  (This is something my principal shared with me before I left, but I only believed her half-heartedly.  For example, I was so down-felt like my womanhood was SHOT the first few days here and that G-d was just really slow.  But we went some hot springs, walked through the water and right and left families were inviting us over and share a meal or coffee with them.  As far as my womanhood being challenged, G-d as blessed my team with an awesome group of brothers that are so affirming and edifying-with no male/female awkwardness at all.

 

What I'm learning about the lover of my soul:  I don't think I can pinpoint one thing...but I think it amazing how my heart can expand and love others more than I thought was possible.  I don't say this to boost me at all.  In all humility-and please forgive me if I come across as proud-I thought that I could love at a certain level and...it would just remain at that.  I feel like I'm in something that is so much bigger than me....He is doing a work that is bigger than me and I feel like a surfboard, in and rolling with the waves.  I also have a deeper understanding of His peace...I have hope and excitement to know that when I leave here in a few hours, G-d promises to remain and complete His plans for these people and this place.  I'm begging to see the end, and that may not be His will for me, but I'm not sad or upset about that.

 

 

Amazing things our friends have mentioned to us: 

-That we are so close to them.  They have told us that they have no close girlfriends that they can talk deeply with and have fun with at the same time (women)

-Our brothers have gotten into some really awesome conversation about J-sus and Chr-stianity and their friends have actually asked for a copy of the G-spel.  We have one to give!

-Our friends (both men and women) have told us they notice a difference in the way we interact with one another-a way that is opposite of their understanding of the west

-Om-n is second to Saud- Ar-bia in the Gulf with persecution towards miss. work.  (mention by some miss. friends we have met)

 

 

Please pr-y:

-That God would seal all the good things that are happening here

-Wisdom and discernment as we seek to pray for some of our closest girlfriends here that are suffering from illnesses

-Wisdom and discernment as I feel led to speak truth to the women on the team-individually before we leave

-Grace to receive criticism from my team if it comes up

-Safety in travel home

 

 

This is most likely my last post before home.  Thanks once again for joining me and the L-rd in His great work!

...subordinate conjuctions...

Well it's been a few days and my spirits have been better than my last post.  We've found ourselves in quite a few random (well...random in my own understanding...surely not in His eyes!) situations like going to an Om-ni wedding (what are the chances of that happening again-see last Aug. posts if you don't know what I'm talking about) and being invited into an Om-ni house after walking through an old village outside of the capital.  The wedding was very different than the one I went to last year.  We were invited by M and H, of whom we met last year.  It was a rich wedding and only women were at the ceremony.  Dancing for hours, women in very fancy colorful and elaborate outfits adorned the hall.  Then finally at midnight, the bride and groom come into the room, everyone goes through the buffet line, eats dinner, and then slowly says bye to the bride and groom, women put on their abbyas and higabs and leave before the men come in and wish the happy couple well.   It was fascinating to see the beauty in these women...after seeing a sea of black on the street and then seeing them rejoice, laugh, smile, and well....let's just say it made me long even more for them to experience the great Wedding Feast to come.

 

Today we're doing more sight seeing type of stuff...driving into the interior through small villages and towns....maybe even see some forts.  Please keep us in your thoughts as we seek the L-rd and His Spirit in these dark places.  One strong desire of mine is for G-d to show me just a glimpse of the great spiritual battle in the heavenlies here.  A weird and heavy loaded request but...still I ask.  Please also continue to pr-y for us tomorrow as again we will drive through the interior and visit with some miss. in a town that is known for being the number one producer of amulets in the Gulf region.

 

Oh leader brought up a good analogy of just what we as a team have been learning every moment while we're here.  We are so oft to use the wrong subordinate conjunctions....like it's easy for us to say "This trip will be successful IF...." or "This trip will be successful WHEN..."  What we are learning to say is "This trip will be successful BECAUSE...the L-rd is in every step and this is His trip."

 

Again, many many thanks for interceeding for us!

...waiting...

Waiting is hard...I don't like waiting in the states...I don't like waiting here.

 

Finally my friends came from the states.  I can't really say I fully enjoyed my first day and a half here by myself, but I was really really relieved to see my friends at the airport.  If anything, that time gave me some good communing with the L-rd, entrusting my frailty and fears to Him.  It made me realize that being here as a single woman is hard, my sole sufficiency and security must rest in Him.

 

Yesterday was our first full day here with the team.  We reconnected with some of our friends (all guys), played baseball with them on the beach, and rode out on a boat in the Arabian Sea.  Today we went to the big mall here, in hopes to meet new people.  That didn't happen and one of team members is sick. 

 

Last night I had the very cool experience of meeting a miss. here.  We're actually borrowing his two cars while we are here.  (Did I mention the rental car I rented had a flat tire???)  I was encouraged to sit with him and listen to his experience here.  It fired up my hope to do long term work someday AND opened my eyes to some very harsh realities of that kind of work.  Things like learning the language, raising support, being here single or raising a family, dealing with government.  Although I am slowly letting go of the "demand" I used to place on myself on how doing long term work is the only reason why G-d planted these experiences, passions, desires within me-meeting the miss. yesterday showed me how much I really wouldn't mind if He called me to it.  It just won't be as glorious as I have always pictured it.  I would have to ask myself some very tough questions like could I really handle years of committing to learning this language, the possibility of doing this as a single woman versus being wife and/or mother in the M-ddle East, the demands of m-nistry cross-culturally, etc. blah blah blah.  Again, I'm encouraged and yet faced with a glimpse of the reality of it. I hope I can meet more miss.here.

 

The girls are invited to a wedding tomorrow with our friend's M and H.  We are all pretty excited as we haven't really connected with women yet and it has been cross-culturally awkward hanging out with Om-ni guys even with the guys in our group.  I tell you...never have I been to place where I have felt "I wish I was a man" so strongly.  More men know English, there are more men on the street...it's just really tough.  And yet I have to cling on to the truth that G-d has created me a woman and placed me in this place as a woman for a reason.

 

Well emotionally I feel a little discouraged as I write this post.  I get anxious in waiting around and actually meeting people, whether new or old friends.  I fight strife, the feeling that G-d isn't at work when I'm not doing anything.  Please pr-y that G-d would strip this "J+sus mentality" from me.  Pr-y for divine appointments and that He would make His will known and clear and that we would immediately recognize His move and obey Him in action.  Pr-y that I do not get satisfied seeking visible results or discouraged when I feel thoughts of "not doing enough". 

 

Again and again...thanks for reading-your pr-yers and e-mails of encouragement.

...alone in Om-n...

...but not really.

 

I finally received my last stamp in my passport from Ch-na (I have four total from this trip from that country).  I left feeling very well after watching "Amazing Grace" (an awesome movie about William Wilberforce the abolutionist) and pizza in my tummy.  =)  The cool thing about my flight is that Emerates Airlines has the BEST online entertainment with 500 movie channels and games you can play with other people on the plane (like poker).  So I enjoyed watching Becoming Jane (about Jane Austen and won't come out in the states for another few weeks) and all my favorite parts of the Sound of Music-did I mention you can pause, rewind, or fast forward to??.  =)  The bad thing about my flight was that my layover in Duba- ended up being 6 hours long instead of 4 and I haven't slept in...well....I got up around 8am Sat. morning in Shangha- and it's 10:30pm on Sunday there now so you can do the math.  I took a very light 2 hour nap this afternoon and I'm going to go to bed early tonight.  Forget fighting jet lag!

 

So I finally arrived in Musc-at, Om-n safe and sound and the reality of me driving in a foreign country didn't hit until I drove out of the airport and the first thing I have to tackle is a huge roundabout.  I hate roundabouts.  I've never driven through one before!  After that, it was smooth sailing until I made a slight wrong turn, which led me through a town I don't really feel comfortable but it eventually was the "other" entrance to my final destination.  Well I was driving through some small alleyways, the back of a souk (marketplace).  I made a few more wrong turns and I found myself trying to back up, uphill on a very steep and narrow parking lot.  It must have looked/sounded like I was having problems because right then and there-out of nowhere-an Om-ni guy walks up and offers to help me out. 

 

*WARNING:  I thought this part was kind of scary...especially considering I would never do this in the states.  BUT it actually worked out okay...AND I'M SAFE!  =)

 

Okay...so the guy has me get out of the car, makes as few very tight 5 point turns to fix the whole car situation.  I ask where the corniche is (literally translated "water's edge"-a landmark I do know) and then he offers to drive me there since he's heading there as well.  I hop in the passenger's seat and he drives and tells me about all these places in Oman and how people love helping others in Oman and I'm thinking...THIS IS CRAZY!  On the way he stops and buys my mango juice...and then he wanted me to join him for lunch.  I didn't want to be rude and by this time I felt pretty safe (very safe familiar area for me too-public that's a good thing) so I did.  The we parted ways.  Random and like my disclaimer-something I would never do (even while I was having lunch with him I was wondering...is this culturally appropriate?)  I figure that even if it wasn't, I at least have someone new I can introduce to the rest of the team when they get here tomorrow night.  Oh well, Praise the L-rd I'm safe, wasn't taken advantage of in the situation, and that my car got out of that place without a scratch!

 

I still continue to ask G-d why am I here and what I should be doing.  For now, I need the physically rest.  Thanks for your continual pr-yers!

...what I've been learning...

I find it helpful to ask myself the following two questions just to keep myself in check.  I thought it would be good to record them here.

 

What have I been learning about G-d:  I feel like I have been learning a lot of about G-d's faithfulness amidst the changes around me.  Even though I travel and people and culture and food and surrounds change, He is still the same-and His love for me doesn't change.  I find comfort in this steadfast nature of His, especially when I feel so frail in adjusting to the uncomfortable and unknown.  I also have been blessed to know and experience His patience with me, as I complain or grumble.  He gently breaks down my pride and humbles me as I fight the tension to seek my own physical comfort over his provision or place my security in what I have or own over who I am in Him. 

 

What have I been learning about myself:  I'm not as young as I used to be!  Hahahaha...this is funny because I know many of you are thinking..."what are you talking about-you're not as old as me!"  I think what I'm trying to say is that as much as I try to pretend, I am not able to handle the same adventures I was up to when I was in college.  Being in the rural Ph-lippines proved that one easily.  I'm okay with saying I prefer western toilets to outhouses.  Years ago I would have judged myself-harshly too!  I think this trip also emphasizes what I have been learning in letting go.  Letting go of pride, letting go of what I always thought my life should be or look like in profession, in where I live, in my own timetable, etc.  I'm letting go as friendships change due to marriage or dating relationships.  And in the letting go, I can feel so insecure and so afraid and yet G-d has been so gracious in showing me more of Him.  I can put my trust in Him instead of all these pictures I've hung on the walls of my life and strived after.  And even though it seems like my life can be like a bunch of puzzle pieces scattered on the kitchen table, I have peace in knowing the picture on the puzzle box is of Him, and not something I created out of my own understanding of my life.  So in letting go, I have been learning to be free in knowing that in jumping, in giving these things up, He is there is not only catch and carry me, but walk with me.  And I really like that!

 

Two more days in Ch-na and then I'm on a plane for Om-n.  Please continue to pr-y as my stomach is still queasy at times.  Also remember to be pr-ying as I will be in Om-n one full day and a half by myself.  PTL the have a hotel and car rental set up.  The two friends I wanted to meet up with will be out of the country and I have a few more numbers to call when I get there.  Pr-y that I will not only be safe but that G-d will have something cool in store for me, whether it's meeting up with people I know, meeting new people, or just spending good times with Him and in pr-yer.  I will be there around 10:30 pm Saturday Aug. 4th Pacific Standard Time.

 

Thanks! and I'd love to hear from you and know what you all are up to!

 

 

 

"May every part of my character and conduct make a serious and amiable impression on others, and impel them to ask the way to the master....May I never be ashamed of J-sus or His words, never be deterred from fulfilling a known duty through fear, never be discouraged from attempting it through weakness."  -from a collection of Puritan prayers and devotions

...feeling better...

"Let me hear Your lovingkindness in the morning, for I trust in You; Teach me the way in which I should walk; For to You I lift up my soul.  Deliver me, Oh L-rd, from my enemies; I take refuge in You....For the sake of Your name, oh L-rd, revive me."  Psalms 143:8-9, 11

 

I'm feeling: Way better (emotionally and sp-ritually) than this morning
So far I have: had my ears cleaned out with those earwax candles (PTL I'm not deaf!) and had a wonderful hair wash/head and back massage for 75 cents
Later I plan on: Having a homecooked meal with some nationals that work at my friend's company
Interesting foods eaten so far:  egg and tomato dumplings-AWESOME stuff
Been totally blessed: riding bikes around with Amy, singing hymns with other nationals (girls that work at a factory).  They come over to learn English and read B-ble stories with my friend. 

Something in pr-y about: continued fellowship with my friends and the L-rd.  I've been mediating on Thessalonians and been encouraged how their faith and love in the L-rd abounds.  I pr-y the same would happen to me-that His name would me glorified through me and I in Him (2 Thess. 1:11-12)

 

Thanks for reading and interceeding!  =)